Dear You, Today Means Amen.

Dear you,
Whoever you are,
However you got here,
This is exactly where you are supposed to be.

This moment has waited its whole life for you,
This moment is your lover,
And you are a solider,
Come home baby, it’s over,
You don’t need to suffer anymore.

Dear you,
This moment is a surprise party,
You are both hiding in the dark,
And walking through the door,
This moment is a Hallelujah,
This moment is your permission slip,
To finally open that love letter,
You’ve been hiding from yourself,
The one you wrote when you were little,
When you still danced like a sparkler at dusk,
Do you remember the moment you realised they were watching,
When you became ashamed of how much light you were holding,
When you first learned how to un-love yourself.

Dear you,
The word today, means amen in every language.
Today, we made it,
Today, I’m gonna love you,
Today, the box cutter will rust in the garbage,
Today, the noose will forget how to hold you,

Dear you,
And I have always meant, you.
Nothing would be the same if you did not exist.

You, who were once as small as bouquet,
Who could sleep in the laughs of strangers,
Nothing would be the same if you did not exist.

You, who’s voice is someone’s favourite voice,
Someone’s favourite face to wake up to,
Nothing would be the same if you did not exist.

You, the teacher,
The starters gun,
The lantern in the night who offers not a way home,
But the courage to travel farther into the dark.

You, the lover,
Who worships the taste of her body,
Who is the largest tree ring in his heart,
Who does not let fear ration your love.

You, the friend,
The sacred chorus of ‘How can I help you?’
Who have felt more numb than holy,
More cracked than mosaic,
Who has known the tiles of a bathroom by heart,
Who has forgotten what makes you worth it.

You, the forgiven,
The forgiver,
Who belongs right here, in this moment.

You, this clump of cells,
This happy explosion that happened to start breathing,
And by the grace of whatever is up there,
You got here,
You made it, this whole way,
Through the nights that swallowed you whole,
The mornings that arrived in pieces,
The scabs, the gravel,
The doubt, the hurt,

The hurt, the hurt,
Is over today,
You made it,
You made it,
You made it,

I Sound Pitiful and I Don’t Want to

I want to feel feelings. That’s all I really want; and not just any feelings, happy ones.

Here is a definition of depression1:

Depression is a depressive disorder that involves a person’s body, mood, and thoughts. It can affect and disrupt eating, sleeping, or thinking patterns, and is not the same as being unhappy or in a “blue” mood, nor is it a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely “pull themselves together” and get better. Treatment is often necessary and many times crucial to recovery.

I’m not saying every day is just terrible, I am saying I have terrible ones a lot. Continue reading

You Know How I Said to Ignore The Dirty Laundry? Well, I Haven’t Washed Clothes in a While.

So hayden, the resident asshole — well one of the two — “moved out.” I was so happy when it happened, but then I realized that, who cares, he’ll be back. He has an enabler, the other asshole, randy. Now I hate both of these people; and yes, hate is a strong word and if you just thought that or even said it, you’re an asshole too. Continue reading

I feel lost inside myself

My Drepression

I may have never been the happiest person, but up until a few months ago I never seriously considered myself being depressed. I, living with myself and not seeing the slow changes, never really noticed me withdrawing from everything and everyone. All that changed when I was talking to Lucy one night, I’m not quite sure if she said it or I did, but it hit me; hard. Continue reading

You Know How Some Things Just Hit You?

I don’t know why, but I walked in the door and decided to look in the mirror and this is what I saw. Me, looking grown up.It hit me, I look like a man, not just some punk. Or a few months ago, I was driving home one night and as I was leaving the neighborhood it hit me, all my life I wanted to drive and now look; I’m doing it.

It’s just crazy to me how we see ourselves every day and how we don’t ever stop to realize or even think about what we’re actually doing and going through.


Well, Maybe I am a Liar.

So you know how in my last post I said something about how my hosting is up and I’m going to let it expire, so yeah. Maybe I was kind of lying.

In truth, I am letting that hosting plan expire, but, I now have a new one locked in for two years that cost the same as one of the old one. This plan is better and even has more features, and in some areas less. So yeah, lets just ignore that last post and continue on like nothing happened.